I often post fiction, or fantasy stuff on this site, looking for comments, though I do also post comments, or information about recent goings on in my life. I know few really read them or keep up with my blogs, and for that reason, I have on occasion deleted my updates. For your benefit, I will do a recap on this, but I first want to state, that everything I post tonight is 100% legit. I am not posting for your pleasure, I am not posting hoping to get your feedback. I am posting to help myself work something out emotionally. Of course, your comments are still welcome, as I have no doubt I could use some support, and not from my typical support network.
I have fantasized about the cuckold lifestyle for about 12 years. I used to be the ultra jealous type who did not even like his wife talking to other guys. And my travel was not straight to cuckoldry either. In fact, it started with a picture set in a mag of a very attractive white woman dressed in colonial dressing, with a black “slave”. Honestly, at that time, it pissed me off. Though I had black friends, I still believed that races should stick to their own. But I kept looking at the photo set. I convinced myself it was because of how hot she was, and I kept beating off to it. Eventually, I accepted part of what made her so hot was the fact that she was with him. My obsession to interracial was born, and exploded from there. Within a year, I wasn’t thinking of those women being with those men. I was thinking of those men being with my wife! Something I could never, ever share with her, and my secret obsession was born.
There were moments through the years that I savored and regretted. The time we got into a fight and she said “you’re more pissed about this than if you walked in on me with another man!”. There was also a time when I was jealous of her talking to another guy, and I noticed that she never seemed to be wearing her wedding ring when he was around. I went ape ... on that one, and told her she was always to wear her rings, regardless of anything else.
Six months after that, she started to make a change in our relationship. She not only stopped wearing her rings altogether, but she went to the point of making sure I was aware of it. Though it irritated me to no end, it also turned me on….and she picked up on that. We started role playing a female led relationship, at first a few days at a time, then a few weeks at a time.
We had also role played in the past a “lover” for her in the past, but only when we were together. With the female led, I suddenly had confidence to share my cuckold fantasy with her. Rather than her be disgusted or shocked, she enjoyed the idea of a bigger and better man than me being her boyfriend. That was two years ago.
She expanded on the cuckold game to even change her facebook status to being in a relationship with a man that was in reality a fake profile I had created. Though it caused some issued with my family MONTHS later, her friends were very supportive almost immediately. In fact, one friend specifically was very supportive. He was going through a personal crisis at the time, and he reached out to her. She typically was not the supportive type, but she immediately took up the charge, and routinely was spending time with him a few times a week, though I doubted anything sexual was going on at the time. That does not mean to say though that I did not have my suspicions. There were times she went for walks in which she disappeared for an hour at a time.
But I did start checking her facebook and email, and it didn’t take long to find messages, one in which she said she “luv’d” him, and asking to go on a trip with him the following summer. I “teased” her, letting her know that I knew about these exchanges..and that they turned me on. She did not take to it well. It resulted in us having a fight about me snooping on her, and that she didn’t mean them the way I took them. She shut down her facebook account immediately. I didn’t take the fact that she could say those things to a guy, but not include me, and the fight lasted a solid week. In the end, I reactivated her account for her, but things were cold on that front for quite awhile. She also took to often deleting messages from that guy, though she maintains that nothing has ever or will ever occur between them, though she had mentioned once before being in his “bedroom at the station”. It is important to note that I know she lies to me on occasion, and I was even warned of that prior to marrying her by her mother that she would do that. Their contact had dropped off almost entirely, but I did discover a time within the last few months where she met him and had no intentions of telling me other than she slipped up a couple of days later.
Our relationship has continued to evolve. We are now 100% female led. She makes the rules and I am very submissive to her. I take my place at the foot of her bed every night to rub her feet and am routinely given chores and expectations on a very regularly basis. She has not called me by name in a LONG time, instead referring to me as peanut. Included in our relationship is a rule book, which clearly dictates that I am not allowed to snoop on her accounts, she is free to change all password, and is also free to have sex with any man at any time that she wants, with or without notice to me. She maintains that she never has and never will do that.
I also have not had any pussy since September having been cut off for poor performance for 2012. I used to get regular handjobs, but even those have become few and far between. Though I bought a chastity device, she refuses to use it but instructs I am not to beat off. Being male, this was difficult to accept. But as of about 6 weeks ago, I changed to beating off, but short of orgasm. I received my only handjob from her on December 23rd, and though I was cut off from pussy for 2012, I have not seen any indication that I will be getting any anytime soon.
This brings us to my current predicament. Recently, the community had an ordeal that is bringing many people together many times over the next week. I have been planning on attending these. On Thursday, she found he was as well. Almost immediately, she started commenting about how I didn’t need to attend. At first, I told her of course I would, it was important for me to be supportive for others. But after a day, I picked up the connection. I offered to stay behind “to offer my support in other ways” and she jumped all over it telling me she thought that would be best.
The endeavor will actually require a several hour trip, and I suspected that she would likely either ride there with him the day of, or on the way back, and that I would likely not be told of it. Their texts and messages seemed to have picked up again. But they surprised me, he apparently wasn’t content with the trip idea, he said his friends and he were going a day early and invited her to go with him. It was equally surprising that she mentioned it to me, though I’ve always maintained that I want to be involved somehow if it ever happened, even if it was just knowing about it. “But I don’t think you would want me to go up there with him.” I waited a few minutes and got up and kissed her on the cheek. “Do whatever you want.”
Things were quiet for a few hours and I was afraid maybe she was mad at me for indicating that I was okay with things. And my stomach started to go crazy. Butterflies. I also felt my stress skyrocketing. There had already been a few times that I suspected my wife had fucked other guys. I had even told her, even put it into writing, but I was still apprehensive.
I think it is because before it was always past tense that I suspected anything. This time, I am potentially sending my wife off to fuck someone, not just for a quickie, but to spend the night with him. A whole night of wondering what she is doing and a day of wondering what she will be doing. Also, if she does go with him, if she fucks him, will she fuck his friends as well that he is going with?
She hasn’t agreed to go with him on Monday as there are some logistical problems, but I have offered to do everything I can for her to make it a possibility. She has sent him some texts since then, one of which he responded with a smiley face, that didn’t seem to make sense with the conversation they were having, but she of course deleted the texts she sent prior to that…(yes, I broke a rule there.) Even if she can’t go, I think it is important for me to show that I am over my past jealousy, and that if she so chooses, I am on board with her having lovers I am aware of….
I have fantasized about the cuckold lifestyle for about 12 years. I used to be the ultra jealous type who did not even like his wife talking to other guys. And my travel was not straight to cuckoldry either. In fact, it started with a picture set in a mag of a very attractive white woman dressed in colonial dressing, with a black “slave”. Honestly, at that time, it pissed me off. Though I had black friends, I still believed that races should stick to their own. But I kept looking at the photo set. I convinced myself it was because of how hot she was, and I kept beating off to it. Eventually, I accepted part of what made her so hot was the fact that she was with him. My obsession to interracial was born, and exploded from there. Within a year, I wasn’t thinking of those women being with those men. I was thinking of those men being with my wife! Something I could never, ever share with her, and my secret obsession was born.
There were moments through the years that I savored and regretted. The time we got into a fight and she said “you’re more pissed about this than if you walked in on me with another man!”. There was also a time when I was jealous of her talking to another guy, and I noticed that she never seemed to be wearing her wedding ring when he was around. I went ape ... on that one, and told her she was always to wear her rings, regardless of anything else.
Six months after that, she started to make a change in our relationship. She not only stopped wearing her rings altogether, but she went to the point of making sure I was aware of it. Though it irritated me to no end, it also turned me on….and she picked up on that. We started role playing a female led relationship, at first a few days at a time, then a few weeks at a time.
We had also role played in the past a “lover” for her in the past, but only when we were together. With the female led, I suddenly had confidence to share my cuckold fantasy with her. Rather than her be disgusted or shocked, she enjoyed the idea of a bigger and better man than me being her boyfriend. That was two years ago.
She expanded on the cuckold game to even change her facebook status to being in a relationship with a man that was in reality a fake profile I had created. Though it caused some issued with my family MONTHS later, her friends were very supportive almost immediately. In fact, one friend specifically was very supportive. He was going through a personal crisis at the time, and he reached out to her. She typically was not the supportive type, but she immediately took up the charge, and routinely was spending time with him a few times a week, though I doubted anything sexual was going on at the time. That does not mean to say though that I did not have my suspicions. There were times she went for walks in which she disappeared for an hour at a time.
But I did start checking her facebook and email, and it didn’t take long to find messages, one in which she said she “luv’d” him, and asking to go on a trip with him the following summer. I “teased” her, letting her know that I knew about these exchanges..and that they turned me on. She did not take to it well. It resulted in us having a fight about me snooping on her, and that she didn’t mean them the way I took them. She shut down her facebook account immediately. I didn’t take the fact that she could say those things to a guy, but not include me, and the fight lasted a solid week. In the end, I reactivated her account for her, but things were cold on that front for quite awhile. She also took to often deleting messages from that guy, though she maintains that nothing has ever or will ever occur between them, though she had mentioned once before being in his “bedroom at the station”. It is important to note that I know she lies to me on occasion, and I was even warned of that prior to marrying her by her mother that she would do that. Their contact had dropped off almost entirely, but I did discover a time within the last few months where she met him and had no intentions of telling me other than she slipped up a couple of days later.
Our relationship has continued to evolve. We are now 100% female led. She makes the rules and I am very submissive to her. I take my place at the foot of her bed every night to rub her feet and am routinely given chores and expectations on a very regularly basis. She has not called me by name in a LONG time, instead referring to me as peanut. Included in our relationship is a rule book, which clearly dictates that I am not allowed to snoop on her accounts, she is free to change all password, and is also free to have sex with any man at any time that she wants, with or without notice to me. She maintains that she never has and never will do that.
I also have not had any pussy since September having been cut off for poor performance for 2012. I used to get regular handjobs, but even those have become few and far between. Though I bought a chastity device, she refuses to use it but instructs I am not to beat off. Being male, this was difficult to accept. But as of about 6 weeks ago, I changed to beating off, but short of orgasm. I received my only handjob from her on December 23rd, and though I was cut off from pussy for 2012, I have not seen any indication that I will be getting any anytime soon.
This brings us to my current predicament. Recently, the community had an ordeal that is bringing many people together many times over the next week. I have been planning on attending these. On Thursday, she found he was as well. Almost immediately, she started commenting about how I didn’t need to attend. At first, I told her of course I would, it was important for me to be supportive for others. But after a day, I picked up the connection. I offered to stay behind “to offer my support in other ways” and she jumped all over it telling me she thought that would be best.
The endeavor will actually require a several hour trip, and I suspected that she would likely either ride there with him the day of, or on the way back, and that I would likely not be told of it. Their texts and messages seemed to have picked up again. But they surprised me, he apparently wasn’t content with the trip idea, he said his friends and he were going a day early and invited her to go with him. It was equally surprising that she mentioned it to me, though I’ve always maintained that I want to be involved somehow if it ever happened, even if it was just knowing about it. “But I don’t think you would want me to go up there with him.” I waited a few minutes and got up and kissed her on the cheek. “Do whatever you want.”
Things were quiet for a few hours and I was afraid maybe she was mad at me for indicating that I was okay with things. And my stomach started to go crazy. Butterflies. I also felt my stress skyrocketing. There had already been a few times that I suspected my wife had fucked other guys. I had even told her, even put it into writing, but I was still apprehensive.
I think it is because before it was always past tense that I suspected anything. This time, I am potentially sending my wife off to fuck someone, not just for a quickie, but to spend the night with him. A whole night of wondering what she is doing and a day of wondering what she will be doing. Also, if she does go with him, if she fucks him, will she fuck his friends as well that he is going with?
She hasn’t agreed to go with him on Monday as there are some logistical problems, but I have offered to do everything I can for her to make it a possibility. She has sent him some texts since then, one of which he responded with a smiley face, that didn’t seem to make sense with the conversation they were having, but she of course deleted the texts she sent prior to that…(yes, I broke a rule there.) Even if she can’t go, I think it is important for me to show that I am over my past jealousy, and that if she so chooses, I am on board with her having lovers I am aware of….
My sex life has gone to ......kind of. I don't get laid much anymore. I got laid 4 times in 2013 and got a few handjobs as well. I...