Sex, Toys & Rock n Roll

Tom Quinn, Playboy's Miss February 2011 Kiley Johnson, Phil Varone, Dr. Suzy, Tara Lynn Foxx, Kim Kandy, Jackie, DrSuzy.tv Show Producer Tasia Sutor. Photo: Irwin

Length: 102:55 minutes        Date: 09/22/2012

It’s the autumnal equinox, and as the sun rises later and night falls sooner, humans find comfort in sex, toys and rock n roll, and so it has been since prehistory.  Sex, of course, has been around a lot longer than humans, going all the way back to the cellular level of life.  Sex toys—using inanimate objects for sexual pleasure—are also older than humanity. Chimps and monkeys rub their genitalia against tree branches.  Years ago, I saw Lana, a female bonobo in the San Diego Zoo, bouncing a rubber ball vigorously against her big pink swollen vulva.  It was obvious she wasn’t just practicing her dribble; she was using the rubber ball as a masturbatory sex toy.

Rock n Roll also has prehistoric—even, perhaps, prehuman—antecedents.  Chimps and bonobos bang on hollow tree logs to make a kind of “music.”  Kanzi—probably the world’s most famous “genius” bonobo thanks to his work with the brilliant Dr. Sue Savage-Rumbaugh—has jammed quite harmoniously on the keyboards with Peter Gabriel.

Charles Darwin hypothesized that music’s evolutionary purpose was for human sexual selection or, as Geoffrey Miller stated, the role of musical display was—and still is—for “demonstrating fitness to mate.”  This is why rock stars often have even more active sex lives than porn stars.  And this is why this show is so much fun!

Featured Guests:

Phil Varone: Some people have called him a “sex addict” (at least he played one on Celebrity Rehab</em>, but to me, he’s more like the human epitome of “Sex Toys and Rock n Roll”—which just so happens to be the name of his new California Exotics sex toy line. Wild-armed drummer for such popular bands of the 1990s as Saigon Kick and Skid Row, Phil is also a stand-up comic with a celebrity sex tape that turned him into a porn star and a talk radio host with a new Playboy radio show, where I will soon be his guest.  To explain the intensely intoxicating, erotic effects of rocketing to rock n roll fame, Phil reveals he wasn’t one of the “popular kids” in high school.  So when he attended his high school reunion with a few hit records to his credit and found himself having sex with the homecoming queen and other previously unattainable hotties, his “career path” as one of modern rock n roll’s most sexually active musicians was set.  It doesn’t hurt that he is the proud possessor of a massive penis, which looks even larger on his rocker-skinny frame, and is the model for his “biggest” sex toy: the Dr. PhilGood Dong.  Now a swinger, not a cheater, Phil gamely unzips and pulls out his own dong for comparison, but it isn’t until the after-party that we get to see it “in action,” and yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, I am a witness: the original model and the toy definitely do match up.  We also have some fun with Phil’s pleasantly powerful, vibrating drumsticks or “Sex Sticks,” bringing the act of playing your lover “like an instrument” to a whole new level.  Then he breaks the big news that he and the other members of Saigon Kick have decided to bury their hate hatchets and will soon be reuniting for a concert tour.  We celebrate by dancing and stripteasing to my favorite Saigon Kick song, the one they named after me, even though we didn’t know each other at the time (and they even spelled my name right):