Virgin sex sounds hot, and sometimes it is, but the reality is often rife with great expectations, premature ejaculations and dumb mistakes. Sade sings that “It’s Never As Good As the First Time,” but just as often, the first time can be the worst time. Of course, there’s a first time for everything and, more important, there’s only one first time for anything. You never get to have a second first time. That just puts more pressure on a pressure-cooker situation.
First time radio shows are like first time sex, from expectations to idiocy. Our virgin live broadcast from our awesome New Bonoboville by LAX (with a capital X) is a great show, but like so many first times, it contains one little boo-boo that burns up the whole enchilada: Somebody didn’t hit the record button. At least not the right record button. I won’t say who (though you can rest assured that I spanked the culprits so hard, my hand still hurts) because it wasn’t deliberate. It was just pure dumbassedness. The kind of screw-up you’d expect from a virgin. Except these were no virgins. I’m not one to judge, and whoever’s fault it was, it is now, essentially, my fault, being as the buck stops here and guess whose name is up on the resplendent DrSuzy.Tv marquee. So, I offer my humble apologies to members and non-members alike (since the audio is always free).
Ah well, you live and learn as you swing through life. And you always have to remember: it could have been worse. In this case, nobody died, got hurt or lost their wallet. And the whole thing streamed live beautifully (another reason you need to catch the show live), and the webcam audio did record some of the show. Just not the callers! Which was too bad because we had some very cool first-time callers. First was Man-Bear in the Mid-West who charmed us all, and that was even before he revealed that he had his very first orgasm while watching a friend’s tape (yes a VHS cassette tape!) of “Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy” on HBO. Santa Barbara’s sultry Catherine Imperio and Samantha Fairley, two of our favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests ever, also called in to congratulate us on our awesome new Bonoboville by LAX (with a capital X) and let us know that they will soon be our in-studio guests with one of the finest sex-rock bands in the world, the DTease.
Our in-studio guests were also pretty cool, partly because they weren’t really guests, starting with Capt’n Max, my first mate of 22 years, first husband (also last), butler, Prince of Prague and Naples and Captain of this Ship of Fools that can’t find the record button. Well, at least he’s not his fellow Italian Captain Francesco Schettino who, while attempting to impress a female passenger with how close he could steer his cruise ship to the picturesque island of Giglia, slammed into the not-so-picturesque rocks, causing the horrific watery deaths of 32 people and injuring 150 more, whereupon Francesco freaked and abandoned ship, cowering in a lifeboat as his crew searched for him and his gigantic vessel turned over on its side like a dead brontosaurus. Talk about screwing up! At least, my captain didn’t abandon ship. And despite our leaky vessel, we’re still sailing along the high seas.
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