We open this live DrSuzy.Tv show reeling with revulsion over the umpteenth mass murder in our ...-crazed world. The latest “spree killing” happened to be committed in our fair state of California, just up the coast from Bonoboville in idyllic Isla Vista near the campus of UC Santa Barbara. The alleged perpetrator was Elliot Roger, a deeply disturbed, narcissistic, misogynistic, sexually frustrated, creepily-metrosexual, self-confessed 22-year-old virgin who had “never even kissed a girl.” A lonely ... of Hollywood with what the family lawyer called “high-functioning Asperger’s,” he was the eldest ... of award-winning British-American filmmaker, Peter Rodger, best-known for his work as assistant director of The Hunger Games, a popular dystopian-futuristic film series about attractive young people who, in a nationally televised spectacle, desperately try to kill each other.
Since the final “scene” of Rodger’s three-part real-life rampage occurred on the streets of Santa Barbara, we start the show webcamming with our “reporter” on-location in Santa Barbara, Catherine Imperio, partly to make sure she’s not among the victims and partly just to see her adorkable face with no make-up, looking lovely if a little sleepy, cuddling with her mini-dragon Ricochet. Last time we saw Cat, her hair was electric green. Now she’s blonde, which triggers our panic reflex since Rodger had a special hostility for the “beautiful blondes” of Santa Barbara who apparently didn’t want to date him, have sex with him or let him push them off a roof, preferring the company of other, less-obviously-woman-hating guys. Go figure!
Then, like a regular news show, my tech team deftly switch our webcams from Santa Barbara to Boston, home of one of last year’s more disturbing mass murders, the Boston Marathon bombings, committed by a couple of brothers who may have been slightly more interested in terrorism than seeking vengeance against snobby blondes, but were just as vainly metrosexual as Rodger.
Desperate to take a break from these ever more atrocious atrocities, we’re happy to talk about their antidote (in more ways than one)—SEX!—with the very sexy, smart, single and also very blonde Dr. Sarah Russo, Boston area pharmacist and creator of the Sexual Activity Calendar (SAC), a cell phone app which organizes your hook-ups according to date, place, name of partner, type of activity, e.g., “sex,” “making out,” “handjob,” “saw boobies” or “slept with more than one person.” Basically, you put the what, where, when and with whom you wound up in the sack in your SAC. It also helps you to keep track of your meds, allergies, insurance and other important medical information, which is far more important than keeping a sexual conquest list, unless you’re Lindsay Lohan. But it’s also far more fun to talk about sex than meds (though we do wonder if Elliot Roger was on or off of his).
And yes, it’s still the merry Masturbation Month of May or, as M Month bloggamy reader Tehachapi Lover calls it, Maysterbation Month. So we explore how SAC can be used to log self-love sessions as well as hook-ups. Politely avoiding Avid Masturbator’s tweeted requests, Dr. Sarah doesn’t deign to masturbate for us, or join us in Bonoboville Communion (though if she had her own bottle of dangerously delicious Dirty Tequila, I’m sure she would) or even tell us how she likes best to let her fingers do the walking. “My parents could be watching!” she explains, which isn’t just an excuse, since her Dad is her business partner in getting SAC’d (we won’t look too deeply into that partnership). With a wink and a smile, Dr. Sarah does promise to think about us later when she jills off. We certainly will think about her!
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