What type of sex are you having?
Ancient texts from India describe human activity as falling
into one of three states, or qualities, called, in the Sanskrit
language, tama, raja and sattva. Each characterizes a
specific state of awareness and is reflected in all the
ways we live our lives, including how we eat and how we make
love. By understanding these qualities, we can transform
our sexual activity into a sacred event. Instead of just
grappling about, hoping for a positive outcome, we can
envision physical connection as a soulful experience
for the purpose of deep communion and intimacy.
Tamasic Sex
When you scratch an itch, it feels good. Simple, uncomplicated
pleasure. Once relief is achieved, the whole matter of
the itch disappears. After a delightful moment, the itch-energy
is released, and the scratching can stop. There are rarely
lasting memories or books to be written about the wonders
of satisfying an itch.
Sexual energy is often treated as if it were an itch. The
energy begins to stir in your genitals. If you’re fortunate
and have a willing lover close at hand, you reach out for
them, letting them know of your need. Together, you “scratch
the itch”, soon experiencing relief, a delightful release
as the tingling intensifies and then dissipates through
an explosion of muscular contractions. An orgasm! To the
body, much like a welcome sneeze, which has a similar pattern
of build-up, intensity and discharge.
Without a nearby lover, you may reach out for your favorite
vibrator or your own hand to help bring you to that desired
state of release. Often this is satisfying, sometimes
equally or more so than having the assistance of another.
After all, you sneeze by yourself.
I love having my back scratched where I can’t reach it. While
there's certainly something intimate and personal
about having my lover reach up under my shirt to scratch
my back, those long handled Chinese backscratchers can
do the job really well, and they always scratch exactly
in the right place!
Still, when it’s over, it’s over. The impending sneeze
has reached its climax and become history. The itch is gone.
The sexual urgency has passed. Or has it?
Tantra, a spiritual path, originating in India, embraces
sexual energy as a way of reaching blissful consciousness.
In the lexicon of Sanskrit language, sex which resembles
the scratching of an itch can be referred to as tamasic sex.
Tama refers to that which is impure, heavy, low. A diet consisting
mostly of meat is considered tamasic.
Tamasic sex, in its benign form, is sexual coupling that
is pretty much restricted to one partner "getting
off".. Little effort is made to provide pleasure
another. A man experiences tamasic sex when he limits his
activity to the in and out thrusting of his penis; a woman
when she lies passively on her back and allows him to do so.
A dutifully delivered hand-job or blow-job can also be
very tamasic. Many experience tamasic sex out of ignorance,
lack of interest, or because they have had unpleasant sexual
history and have shut down their sexual response, declaring
it boring. As Alexander Pope wrote:
She, while her Lover pants upon her breast,
Can mark the figures on an Indian chest.
Limited in pleasure and creativity, tamasic sex, like
the sneeze or the scratching of an itch, is an organic response
to a biological event. Sex for the sake of sex. It is functional
physical exercise, and for most men, can be quite satisfying
because of the resulting climax. For women, this type of
intercourse leads more to bore-gasm than orgasm. She will
often fake pleasure in order to hasten the end more quickly.
One-night stands, especially when ... or ... induced,
are frequently tamasic in nature. Sexual gratification
is sought with no attention to relationship or spiritual
nurturing. Men have an easier time being sexually satisfied,
and so generally enjoy one-night stands, or quickies,
more than women.
At its lowest and most reprehensible level, tamasic sex
involves ... and sexual assault. One meaning of the word
tama is anger. Couples who together express anger and rage
through their sex can push themselves deeper into the darkness
of tamasic realms. For some, this total immersion in tama
actually frees them to experience the next higher level
of sexual bonding. However, the cost of this approach is
heavy with emotional scarring.
Rajasic Sex
Rajasic food is hot and spicy. Rajasic sex is passionate
and energetic. There is emotional content, and sincere
effort is made to excite one's partner. Still orgasm-oriented,
both men and women pursue the big O, the pulsating orgasm
that through its intensity will propel them into the timeless
moment aptly called by the French, le petit mort, the little
death. A brief escape.
A loving relationship forms a good basis for rajasic sex.
Rajasic couples engage in foreplay, exploring one another’s
bodies, touching, sucking, thrusting, manipulating.
Fantasy and erotica can provide additional fuel, arousing
and stimulating the body through the mind.
In rajasic sex, lovers seek to bring each other pleasure
and to create pleasure for themselves. There is a warm and
tender connection between the lovers. There is much giving
and receiving. Yet, exhilarating as it is, rajasic intensity
takes place on a personal level, and at its completion can
still leave each person alone with his or her own thoughts
and emotions.
A rajasic lover is often driven by a need to prove herself
or himself, a desire to be a good lover. Failure, or the fear
of failure can have dire effects on the ability to succeed
in doing so. The dreaded performance pressure can create
a downward spiral into unhappiness.
Some relationships begin with a great deal of rajasic sex,
but cannot sustain the required energy output. Often a
couple’s sexual activity becomes routine and dull, as
both partners slip into a tamasic quality, with only occasional
spurts of rajasic sex.
Movies are filled with hot rajasic sex. Audiences enjoy
the vicarious pleasure and excitement and then return
home to the torpid, sluggish affair their own lovemaking
has become. They hunger for more passion, more intimacy,
more something. The more can be found - not in more action,
but in stillness, in quietude.
Sattvic Sex
When sattvic sex takes place, there is a reversal of activity.
Instead of the headlong rush toward the release of orgasm,
there is a continual renewal of energy as it circulates
within and between the lovers. The timeless moment expands
with unlimited boundaries, allowing a prolonged experience
of delicious and conscious awareness. No longer is there
a concern for sexual performance. Personal pleasure is
expanded to include a cosmic sense of being. Individual
satisfaction gives way to the universal presence of love.
Spiritual oneness prevails. Sattvic sex is calm and tranquil,
and can best be enjoyed in complete stillness.
The ancient teachings of Tantra are designed to bring forth
this spiritual experience through sexual energy, which
is honored as the sacred and vital ... of life. With only
occasional movement to keep arousal alive, lovers embraced
in sattvic sex find themselves able to abide together in
a sustained state of deep peace.
There is a sweetness to sattvic sex. And like a well-flavored
dessert, the sweetness lasts beyond the moment, permeating
the core of your being and refreshing your sense of existence.
Sattvic sex is not divorced from the realm of tamasic sex
but rises upward from its physical roots into a rarified
atmosphere of meditative surrender. Couples in a relationship
that is rich in sex, love and spirituality will find themselves
moving in and out of these various types of sex, sometimes
even during one lovemaking session. Similarly, while
the most sattvic foods are natural, uncooked vegetables
and fruits, our diets usually include all types of food.
Scratching an itch brings relief. Active love play brings
relief and also provides us with a sense of being cared for,
taken care of. Conscious awakening into spiritual connection
fulfills our innate yearning to know the truth of who we
are. Sattvic sex allows us to joyfully encounter what the
great sages and teachers of meditation have written about.
Sattvic sex at its highest level is an impersonal experience,
taking us out of our limited selves into a place where separation
no longer exists.
someone who is our beloved partner on the journey of life,
we partake in a lasting gift of communion that endures and
nourishes us on an ongoing basis. Before sattvic sex, we
may have been best friends and lovers. After sattvic sex,
we become divine mirrors for each other, reflecting our
shared ecstasy and bliss.
