Cuckold progression?

Once I found out my girlfriend of 22 yrs cheated on me and got over the shock of betrayl. I found it started to turn me on to think about her being satisfied by another man. After a while all I could think about was her taking a big cock inside her and what she was like when she had an orgasm. You see she told me in a fight we had when I found out she cheated that I never gave her an orgasm. Thats how I know I never seen her have one. The thought of a big cock sliding inside her was on my mind every day. After a while all I could think about was a big cock sliding inside. Then all I could think about was cocks sliding inside anyone. Now I don't just think about big cocks sliding inside her but also me and it turns me on. Is this the normal progression of a once thought of masculine man? To accept that he is not enough of a man to please a woman. Or find out he is not what woman want in a man? To do a 180 and think about wanting to please a real man and be turned on by being used like he was a woman. To thrive on the humiliation of having a woman see him as less than a man and have her see me in the act of pleasing her man. This is how I see myself and I see no way to go back to the way I use to think of myself. Because I know now that I don't want to be the man in the bedroom anymore. And I enjoy seeing a real man perform with a woman and make her orgasm and use me in any way just to be included and humiliatedis what I thrive on now. Is this the normal progression of being a cuckold? A person that is less than a man and less than a woman?

Thanks for your response CEEMAN. I tend to agree with what you said. Because this is not what I desired at 1st and really don't like the idea of being this way. But I can't control the desire to be used like this anymore. it just overpowers what I concider normal thought and embody's me to continue along this path wherever it leads me

This is how I started with my wife: we were sharing fantasies when I told my wife About my fantasy of having a couple have sex on top of me. She already knew I like to be used and abused like a slave. It wasn't long before she decided to ask or see if it would be okay for her to have sex on top of me. We slowly progressed from there. now she does what she wants and I take what she gives me. And I too don't like it but can't stop thinking about it.