Cuckold progression?

Once I found out my girlfriend of 22 yrs cheated on me and got over the shock of betrayl. I found it started to turn me on to think about her being satisfied by another man. After a while all I could think about was her taking a big cock inside her and what she was like when she had an orgasm. You see she told me in a fight we had when I found out she cheated that I never gave her an orgasm. Thats how I know I never seen her have one. The thought of a big cock sliding inside her was on my mind every day. After a while all I could think about was a big cock sliding inside. Then all I could think about was cocks sliding inside anyone. Now I don't just think about big cocks sliding inside her but also me and it turns me on. Is this the normal progression of a once thought of masculine man? To accept that he is not enough of a man to please a woman. Or find out he is not what woman want in a man? To do a 180 and think about wanting to please a real man and be turned on by being used like he was a woman. To thrive on the humiliation of having a woman see him as less than a man and have her see me in the act of pleasing her man. This is how I see myself and I see no way to go back to the way I use to think of myself. Because I know now that I don't want to be the man in the bedroom anymore. And I enjoy seeing a real man perform with a woman and make her orgasm and use me in any way just to be included and humiliatedis what I thrive on now. Is this the normal progression of being a cuckold? A person that is less than a man and less than a woman?